Not At All Savvy
by Funkiechick
Summary: [slash, pretty men and pg-13 goodness.] Will must come to terms with what he is; a pretty man. JackWill


Not At All Savvy  
  
By Funkiechick  
  
(Sorry; Will is too pretty to resist. Sparrow would totally say something about how pretty Will is. So, here we go. Pretty Will.)  
  
--------------------  
  
Will really doubted that Jack spending so much time with whores (oh pardon, 'ladies, whelp, *ladies*' is what Jack had said) was going to benefit much to him finding Elizabeth. But it didn't seem like Jack was really giving two shits about that.  
  
And Will hated this kind of an atmosphere. That man...Gibbs, was it? He'd gone on his word to find Jack a crew, and now Will was stuck here the night with Jack. A bar, stock full of 'ladies', and enough pointless brawl fights to start a dance club.  
  
Will had been fighting off some advances from a hefty-sized woman about twice his age none to earlier, but since then no one had bothered approaching him. Will figured it was because of his cleanliness and polite stature that warded them off. (In reality, Will, the darling, was a HUGE stiff.)  
  
Jack was in a corner, and every so often there'd be big, boisterous shouts of laughter, albeit a few women slapping his face and storming off every few minutes. Will supposed that Jack was used to it, really.  
  
Will stamped his foot slightly, and stared up at the ceiling. Thinking of Elizabeth. Her smile and her voice and that elegant tilt of her head she did without even really noticing, he was sure. He grinned a little, but the thought of her face didn't brighten his mood as much as he'd hoped. He was positive it was the damned smell of piss and rum and something else.  
  
Thinking or stench reminded him of Jack. Will wrinkled his nose. Unfortunately for him, Jack wasn't as easy to hate as he'd earlier perceived. Jack was one of those types who you found yourself itching to sit with, even though you technically disliked everything about them.  
  
Will snaked a glance at the said pirate not too far away. He was telling a story, or a joke, or something, from the way he was moving his arms about. Then again, he *always* moved his arms about in that fashion. Drunken and horny and full of something that Will couldn't quite put his finger on.  
  
It was at that moment that Jack turned to the women seated sluttishly next to him, and started slobbering about her neck.   
  
The lady, bless her heart really, seemed to be enjoying herself.  
  
Will snorted. "I'll BET she does..."  
  
"Talkin' to yerrself there, lad?"  
  
Will glanced to his left, and saw a tall, painfully skinny man none too older than him giving him an odd sort of leer, balancing two drinks in each hand. "I may have been," Will said tartly, turning away.  
  
The man let out a guffaw. "Aw, common, love," he nudged Will in the side with his elbow, and offered his arm. "Have a drink then, I got plenty..."  
  
Will shook his head. "I'm not here to get plastered out of my mind, thank you."  
  
"Well, ain't you a tight little number!" The man guffawed again. "Go on then, have a drink. You'll feel better."  
  
Will was wondering for the life of him why a man like *this* would be offering a free drink to a man like *him*. But Will supposed it was some sort of stupid fraternity-like joke, and soon he'd be on his back with four men beating him to a pulp.  
  
He shook his head again. The man would have none of it, and shoved the drink right under his nose.  
  
Will snorted, and finally took the drink, albeit out of annoyance. "Theeeere we are, then! Not so hard, is it?"  
  
"I guess," Will said, not taking a sip.  
  
"I'm Herald. Whassat they calls you?"  
  
Will wrinkled his nose again. "What?"  
  
"Yer NAME, lad, yer name."  
  
"Oh," Will blinked. "Will."  
  
"Ah...WILL..." Herald considered the name, and then gave Will a genuine wink, sliding up closer beside him. "'T's a good name, for a pretty lad."  
  
There was a silence, and Will started to cough, unsure of what else he could do to respond. "Uhhuu...p-pardon, what did you call me?"  
  
"A pretty lad, that's what."  
  
Will shook his head. "Uhm, thank you, but, uh...you'll forgive me for not knowing quite how to respond to that."  
  
"Well, lad," Herald slid closer to him, his arm slowly snaking around Will's waist. Will, in complete shock, just *stared* and didn't move. Like a fish out of water, his mouth was hanging slightly open. "I'm a tad sloshed'as you can see...how's 'bout you and me find ourselves a corner...and play about?"  
  
"You..." Will's voice cracked. "You DO know that I'm MALE, right?"  
  
"Oh, I do, laddy," Herald leaned his mouth down close to Will's neck. "I do indeed."  
  
"Get off!" Will shoved him slightly, but he didn't have chance to do much else since Jack appeared out of nowhere and was shoveling Herald in another direction.  
  
"Go on, scat, get yerself another whelp, this one's taken!" Jack turned to Will, and gave him a grin. "Really, Turner, you gotta do somethin' about that pretty face. It's popular 'round these parts."  
  
Will stuttered out his words. "W-what are you try-trying to tell me, Jack?"  
  
Jack rolled his eyes and slung his arm around Will's shoulders. "Let's take a walk, lad."  
  
"Are you going to tell me what the hell that was all about?!"  
  
"I might, William, shut yer mouth, mind."  
  
Will did NOT want to shut his mouth, but Jack shoved a glass of rum in his face and before Will knew it, he was unwillingly chugging away without recourse.  
  
"There we are," Jack grinned, and slapped Will on the back. "An' out we go."  
  
"Gluggh..." Will whimpered, holding his stomach. Jack led him out of the tavern, arm still around his shoulder, and out into the alleyway.   
  
"Jes'Christ, lad." Jack raised an eyebrow. "Ya didn't even drink anything."  
  
"I drank it too fast, that's all!" Will snapped, and then doubled over. "I'm going to be sick..."  
  
"Not on me thanks, love, pretty picture it is." Jack slapped Will hard on the back. "Bit shaken up, are you?"  
  
"Slightly!" Will burst out, after having spit a fair amount of the rum back up and onto the ground. "Ugh, I must STINK of rum, that's *disgusting*," Will gave Jack an annoyed look. "HOW you could drink it when..."  
  
"Yes, can't imagine why a man'd want to have you as a trinket," Jack cut in. "You're just so strong and manly, love, really you are."  
  
Will's eyes turned dark, but his face still flushed. "Are you insulting me?"  
  
"To be fair, you've just had Herald about your waist. Can ya blame me, really?"  
  
"I don't have to take this!" Will snapped. "Jack, all I want is to save Elizabeth from DEATH, and all you can do is sit around and get pissed out of your mind while some stranger named Herald calls me PRETTY!"  
  
Jack paused. "You are very pretty, y'know."  
  
"That's not funny!!"  
  
Jack smirked, leaning against the wall of the alley, across from Will. "Ya need to learn to bend a bit, Will, or you'll break by the time yer thirty."  
  
Will crossed his arms, and realized, with annoyance he still had that damned bottle of rum in his hand from Herald. He raised it over his head, preparing to smash it to the ground, but Jack rushed forward.  
  
"Don't be wastin' the rum!" Jack grabbed the bottle, holding it against him. "Go slap around a wench, but don't be touchin' the rum unless to drink it!"  
  
Will groaned. "You're disgusting."  
  
"Which is better than bein' pretty in the long run, isn't it?"  
  
"Stop calling me that!"  
  
"But it's true, mate."  
  
"It is not!" Will hated the fact that something like this was getting to him. But what else could he do? Just raise his head high and be 'above' this sort of talk? Really, of course not. He'd been called a 'pretty lad' and he wasn't taking that lying down. "I'm not pretty at all."  
  
Jack was back beside him, arm around the shoulder, face hunched closed to Will's ear. "Here's the thing, luv. There'd be two types a men..."  
  
"Jack, I don't..."  
  
"Sure ya do," Jack thumped his back. "Now, I'm in me own category of impossibly perfect and incurably sexy, savvy?"  
  
"Not savvy at ALL."  
  
Jack ignored him. "Ya can't go 'round pretendin' that yer not pretty when you are, Will. Yer in the 'pretty' category, and men like Herald like the pretty one's."  
  
"Stop TALKING."  
  
Of course, Jack kept talking. "Then there's the other half..." Jack paused. "I'm too drunk to really think what's it's called, but it'll come to me sooner'r later."  
  
Will turned his head in disgust, looking out at the sea from the open alley. "You're disgusting, Jack."  
  
"And you're a rod, Will. A stiff one, which works in some situations, but not in yours."  
  
Will, oddly enough, didn't get what he meant straight away, but when he did, Jack received a hard punch in the shoulder. "From now on, I can find Elizabeth on my own!"  
  
"You really can't, luv," Jack said off-handedly, playing with the cuffs of his sleeves. "What'say we forget 'bout everything old Herald said an' just take you to bed, eh?"  
  
Will didn't like it when people condescended him, and that's what Jack was doing. None the less, he didn't say anything when Jack started to lead him out of the alley by the small of his back. Will jerked away grumpily, and Jack shrugged as they made their way for the inn, which was somewhere between the whorehouse and the strip-tavern.  
  
"Glorious place, this is," Jack sighed, tipping his hat to an almost naked young women sitting on a crate by the taverns, drinking herself silly.  
  
"Yes, real breathtaking."  
  
"You're a real bitch, ain't you Will?"  
  
"I don't like pirates and I don't like it here and I don't like you that much either." Will turned to face him, and they stopped their set course for the Inn, which Jack had forgotten the location of anyway due to slight blurrieness.  
  
Jack mock pouted. "That ain't true lad. What YOU is, is a grumpy sod. You need some a this here medicine," Jack wiggled the bottle of rum in front of Will's face. "An' some sleep. Or a lady to have a go at yer balls."  
  
"No thanks," Will said quickly. "My...balls are doing fine."  
  
"I'll bet they are."  
  
"I'm leaving." Will turned on his heel. "Go get drunk off 'yer arse' and I'll see you in the morning."  
  
"Aw, come onnn..." Jack called after him. "It's FUN! Besides, lad, a pretty thing like you all'out by himself?"  
  
Will stopped in his tracks, his heel digging into the sand like gravel on the ground, and he furiously turned to face Jack, who was a few paces behind him. "I've had about enough of you!"  
  
"You know, when yer angry, yer voice goes all high. Like a...what do you call 'em..." Jack snapped his fingers. "Ah! Eunuch. Shoulda remembered, what with-ALRIGHT!" Jack yelped a little as Will grabbed the front of his collar and half near hoisted him up the ground. "Settle down, Turner. Can't take a joke, can ya?"  
  
"I can take a joke as well as anyone, but when you're damn near INSULTING me..."  
  
Jack shrugged. "Not my fault Herald thinks yer pretty, luv."  
  
With an annoyed snort, Will let go of his hold on Jack, which Jack could have easily squirmed free of should he have had to, and ran his hands through his hair. "Where have you taken me, Jack?"  
  
"Not to Port Royal, which is all anybody should have to hear," Jack took a swig of rum. "Let's take ya to bed then."  
  
Will followed, but his mind was wandering into places it had never dared wander before. "Jack, why did he even go near me? I love Elizabeth, no one else!"  
  
"Blah blah, sing sing," Jack threw over his shoulder, swaggering drunkenly into the Inn, Will close behind him. "That really has nothin' to do with it, lad. Yo ho, Spikes!"  
  
The man behind the counter, who was old, decrepit, and extremely fat, gave a grin to Jack and a nod at Will. "He's a pretty one then."  
  
"He followed me home, so to speak."  
  
"I did not!"  
  
"You followed me home, savvy?" Jack said under his breath. "So, Spikes, how's 'bout you givin' me a room to use on my friend here?"  
  
Spikes shrugged easily and leaned back in his cheer. "You still ain't paid me back for the time you came in here with Scarlet!" Jack nodded his head impatiently. "AND with that lad from the White Sands boat..."  
  
"And, like all good things, the pay must wait for last," Jack answered smoothly and with a grin. "The lad is gettin' anxious, best we talk sums when we've been finished, ey?"  
  
Spikes grumbled under his breath. "You'll be the death a' me, you broke, fucking types."  
  
Will coughed. Yes. It was different from Port Royal indeed.  
  
"Yer a saint," Jack clapped his hands, and bowed slightly in thanks as he took the keys from the fat hand, and gave Will a sharp, slap on the behind. "You comin', whelp?"  
  
"H-hey..." Will mumbled, hurrying after him. "I'm not a whelp, and don't condescend me!"  
  
Jack ignored him as he opened one of the rattling doors, cobwebs coming off the hinges and catching on Will's boots. "Come on," Jack said impatiently, and them slammed the door behind him. "Well, there's yer floor, here's my bed, and we're set for dream land. Nighty night."  
  
Will blinked and looked down at the hardwood. Normally, it wouldn't be so bad. After all, he WAS a man, and he slept on floors quite a lot, considering how late he worked back in Port Royal. But he wasn't sure if those stains on the floor were from old, dried vomit or...something *else*.  
  
"There? Sleep on THAT?" Will shuddered. "I'm taking a blanket, then?"  
  
"None from my bed, yer not."  
  
"Did I ask you?"  
  
"It's my bed, init?"  
  
Will just snorted in frustration. "Just give me a blanket and I'll sleep on the floor without complaint."  
  
Jack grinned. "We could just share a bed, lad."  
  
"We really couldn't."  
  
"Aww...look how jumpy he's gettin'. All from one single comment. You know, it's not that I question yer love for the girl, you just have a certain vibe about ya is all."  
  
"Vibe?" Will faced him. "What vibe?"  
  
"A pretty-man vibe."  
  
"What do you mean?" Will's voice was starting to sound dangerous.  
  
"Alright, alright," Jack turn to face him while shaking off his boots. "Here's the deal, then. Alright, y'love Miss. Swann. Right?"  
  
"Right."  
  
"But there's still'that...somethin' else about ya. The pretty thing, the neat thing..."  
  
"NEAT thing?"  
  
"Yer very neat, lad."  
  
Will growled and walked defiantly to the room's only closet and opened it fiercely. Inside, there was indeed a blanket, and he yanked it out without giving Jack a second look. "I'M going to bed. You can sleep on the thought of me being neat and pretty and...whatever I am, but I'M going to sleep, and forget that this ever happened!" He threw the blanket to the floor. "'SAVVY'?" He said, in a very sarcastic and mocking tone.  
  
Jack observed him for a moment, and then just shrugged. And pulled off his shirt. "Good night then."  
  
"AAHH, put your shirt back on!"  
  
"My bed, my rules. I don't usually sleep in clothes." Jack leaned forward, lowering his voice as if telling Will a secret. "They confine me."  
  
Will whimpered.  
  
"But I'll stay in the trouser's if it'll make ya feel better."  
  
"I'm not going to look," Will said, and he too kicked off his boots, and took a seat on the floor. The hard, cold, matress-less floor...  
  
He took a deep breath, and lay down. He could do this, he could-  
  
Jack let out a euphoric-like yawn, and settled into his bed, giving Will a big grin. "Comfy?" Will glared. "The offer still stands y'know." More glaring. "How can y'save yer Bonny Elizabeth, if yer too stiff to move?"  
  
And moments later, Will was settling into the mattress, as far away as possible from Jack, but unfortunately, the bed WASN'T very big. So the pirates presence next to him was *very* eminent indeed.  
  
"Well then!" Jack said brightly. "That's not so hard, is it?" Will didn't answer. "Can't wait to tell the gang at'the pub, really. 'I shared a bed with the pretty stiff lad in the pub. An' he WAS stiff, Maybelle, thankya for askin''."  
  
"JACK!" Will turned on him angrily. "I'm going to kick you out of this bed if you don't...just...behave yourself!"  
  
"I didn't touch you," Jack said simply.  
  
"You can't SAY anything like that either."  
  
Jack feigned an offended look. "But you *are* pretty."  
  
Will snorted in frustration and flopped back down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He was silent a moment before asking "I'm still MANLY, aren't I?"  
  
Jack smirked. Now he had him. Now he realllyyy had him. He leaned closer to Will, slowly snaking an arm closer and closer, almost touching Will's shoulder. "Of course you are, Will."  
  
"I'm still...man enough for Elizabeth, aren't I?" Will turned to face him.  
  
Jack grinned. "Yer man enough fer ANYTHIN', Will."  
  
Will, as naive as he was, didn't quite GET the tone that was creeping into Jack's voice. "Well...then I guess it isn't so bad being pretty."  
  
"Not bad at all."  
  
"So there." Will nodded his head. "I'm...Jack, is that you?"  
  
"Hm?" Jack was snapped out of his Will-trance, and then shook his head. "Oh. Sorry love. Thought that was me own leg."  
  
Will seemed to be catching on, and edged away from Jack slightly. "Jack..."  
  
"No, really, happens all the time."  
  
"Jack, I don't..."  
  
"Let's just say you have lovely legs and really, we both want each other and why fight it. Savvy?"  
  
"No!" Will's voice cracked. "Jack I don't...dooon'tt..." Will yiped slightly as Jack leaned over and bit him slightly in the neck. "Jack, if you don't cut it out I'll-" But the only thing that was 'cut out' was Will's talking as Jack kissed him, rough and hard, on the mouth.  
  
Will resisted at first, but then very slowly eased into the kiss. Now, he wasn't quite sure what he was doing, and maybe he wasn't even awake. But he decided that the rum he had chugged down much too quickly was affecting every little thing he did, and Jack had so much drink intoxicating his every pore that the very PRESCENCE of him made one drunk. So it wasn't Will's fault they were kissing, open-mouth, passionately. Not his fault at all.  
  
Jack pulled away, then, and Will decided the he must have been VERY drunk indeed because he grabbed at Jack and kissed him again.  
  
This kiss lasted much longer, left Will shirtless, and just as things were about to get more interesting, Jack pulled away again.  
  
"I'm tired," he said simply. "Have a nice sleep, love."  
  
Will blinked. "Are you joking?"  
  
Jack grinned at him. "So, the bonny lass you'd die for, what'was her name again?"  
  
Will turned a very bright shade of red indeed. "Oh shut up!!" he snapped, and turned over to stare at the other side of the room. "I'm going to bed."  
  
"Keep yer hands to yerself, mind."  
  
"You started it!" Will waited for a response, and instead, was answered with a long and very loud snore. "I know you're not really sleeping!" Another snore. "Ugh!" Then Will decided to promptly ignore Jack, and think only of Elizabeth, and not of the...the...'drunken' mistake he'd just made.  
  
Yes. Drunken.  
  
Elizabeth.  
  
Ignore Jack.  
  
But Will had a sneaking suspicion that from here on out, ignoring Jack Sparrow would be damned near impossible.  
  
"Not savvy at *all*," he muttered, and didn't sleep a wink all night.  
  
END  
  
(quite bad, really, but it's my first POTC fic and I do hope you enjoyed it.) 


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